i grew up in church. In fact, i’ve only been a member of one church. at one point i was at church for at least 3 days a week. i had practice on fridays and church services on sunday and wednesday. its been about 3 years since I’ve gone to that church or any church for that matter. my beef isn’t with God its with institutions built by men. i have a problem with the pretenders that fill the pews. obviously most people are there with pure intentions. i’m not judging anyone because i was also guilty. i went to church partly because women were there. i went to an all male high school and my social life was nonexistent. i was 14, sue me. i had a new crush every month. life was good.

i was oblivious to some of the weird shit going on there. now looking back at it with adult eyes, my stomach becomes uneasy. I was involved in church heavily but I never included myself in the politics. i’m not into drama so I excluded myself from certain conversations. its funny to see some people now. their energy is different and usually its at a location with multiple vices going around. the person i was then is the same person you see now. what about you?

the last time i was at church, i had to deal with drama. i wasn’t there for that. i had only the purest intentions. i skipped the whole love triangle storyline that plagued people in high school. at howard, i was just another dude on campus. i was new to this. i never had someone wanting to fight me over a girl for real. i was too low and i stay away from women that are unavailable, for the most part. it happened in church. my pure intentions didn’t allow me to enter that space. why would i box a nigga for his girl? she wants to be with you, man. she only came to me for a night. all jokes aside, i felt betrayed. some people are pretenders. some pretend to be happy or in love while others pretend that they’re the gold standard for morality.

in the future i’ll be at someone’s church. i’ll be too old to care that parts of this institution are a sham. maybe i’ll be a father or a husband. things would be different then. these days i can’t escape the fact that so many people that run and fill churches are full of shit. i wouldn’t hang around these people in any other context so why would i hang around them there. i can talk to God wherever i go so i don’t need to sit uncomfortably in a place built upon broken promises. the lights are kept on by dirty money and not the kind touched by drug dealers but the kind touched by politicians. i’m good so you can take me off your phone tree.