wow, its my birthday again. my last birthday was a lot less memorable than others but it was one of my most important. i didn’t have control over my own life and it was a huge problem for me. i prayed for peace and clarity on my birthday last year. that was all i wanted. as i get older, i get a little less selfish. i remember when i was younger i went to a friend’s b-day party. we share the same b-day so of course my parent’s thought it would be a good idea to go to this party instead of throwing one. they were right but, they didn’t expect me to have a small temper tantrum because in my mind it was my birthday too.

i used to care a lot about today because of the attention i was used to receiving. if you were the kid that supplied cake and ice cream to the classroom, you were a star for the day. in high school, i wanted pretty girls on my wall wishing me a happy birthday. i guess i still wanted to be a star for the day. my first year at howard university changed things. people were wishing me a happy birthday on facebook but not in person. this girl from new york, named latoya, quietly wished me a happy birthday as she walked past me on campus. i was on the way to mcdonald’s to celebrate my day. i’m still very grateful for toya because it was a tough day. i was in washington d.c, away from my family and childhood friends.

i try not to get too caught up on my own birthday. these days i’m just happy to be here. we've lost so many peers this year. i've also lost some family recently. sometimes its hard to find the time to properly mourn. i've been listening to a lot of amy winehouse recently. i realize that i’m entering that club. mac miller left us before he could reach it. i’m still affected by his death for unknown reasons. maybe its because i saw so much of myself in him or maybe its because he really tried to leave dope and important work behind. amy left us some amazing art too. i want to leave amazing work behind too. i don’t wanna be gone t0o soon but i want the world to feel me when i’m gone, mourned in the streets. i hope i’m like 103 and propped up by handlers and technology.

this year i want to thank my friends and family for being there for me. i mean without y’all would i have really made it this far? thank you to my past and future lovers, i learn a lot from you and i hope you learn a lot for me. our time together will always mean something. bro, thanks to all the maugs(mogs) who have negative shit to say about me. you suck and i don’t. i got enough time and words to teach you the difference between you and i. this year i want to pray for “financial increase”. *ask the saints about that one* its a bag out here with my name on it and i’m chasing it. its more gigs and more art to create for sure but i ain’t sign up to be broke.