i’ve been on social media for a long time and its funny the way people communicate. everyone is on their own reality tv show worthy of views and likes. these are some things that i find funny on social media. if you feel like this is a personal attack, its not. i’m guilty of some of this too.

1. “excuse the dirty mirror.”

this doesn’t exclusively apply to dirty mirrors. it can be any minor detail the person posting a picture points to in order to avoid ridicule. for example, if i took a picture a great picture in my room but a rogue pair a boxers are posted in the background, i can still post it. i just have to tell you “excuse the pair of rogue boxers” and all is forgiven. the veteran social media users know how much people talk shit. users of “excuse the…” probably talk the most shit and they know someone somewhere is “flaming” their picture.

2. bad editing.

i really don’t understand why internet skit makers and self shooters don’t utilize editing. if the skit involves people walking but instead they are standing still waiting for the cue from the camera man, why not just edit that part out? i like when people set up a camera for a twerk video or a workout video and the first few seconds is them propping their phone up on the floor. its a real “see the sausage get made” moment. screen recorders, i’m coming for you next.

3. lost file photos.

were the photos ever lost though? “lost photos from vacation.” its not like the vacation photos were stored in an old cardboard box tucked in a crawlspace. the vacation polaroids didn’t mixed up with the ones from the family reunion. the photos were in your phone, where you left them. just be real and make the caption, “ i’ve been waiting a long ass time to post this picture.” we all save photos but there’s a rare 1% that loses them.

4. who remember this song?

remember old twitter when we’d post what we were listening to and wait for someone to say,”damn g i completely forgot about that song.” those days are long gone. thirst and streaming services put an end to that. these days someone might post a snippet of “tip drill” and ask “who remembers this?” we all do.

5. does anyone know?

i love when people ask their respective social media friends questions they could ask google. from troubleshooting devices to restaurant suggestions, people ask strangers for suggestions. you have your friend’s numbers so strangers are your target audience. why not google or yelp? you could just phone a friend and leave us out of it.

6. joke theft.

joke theft is at an all time high. i could see a funny tweet and laugh. the next two times i see that joke on twitter i may chuckle, but after the 28th time from the 28th different person the joke has lost its funny. i really dislike when black twitter has a running inside joke and then some non colored gentrifies the joke and it ends up on ellen or some shit the next day. salute to the black twitter forefathers who have been about these jokes since old twitter was poppin’.

7. “you can do it too”

there are a lot of motivational speakers on social media. my favorite line is when people claim to use internet flexing as a means of “showing the kids a better way.” say man, don’t nobody care. the kids definitely don’t care if you aren’t breaking bread. i’m no more motivated seeing you post a selfie in your car than the first time you posted it. how narcissistic of you to assume that whatever you post is so enlightening that it would motivate me to do anything? “we all got the same 24 hours” but we don’t all have the same circumstances. there should be a net worth qualification before you start giving ted talks on instagram.

8. “the best in the world.”

everyone believes that they have the best spouse, parent, or child. why do they have to be the best? before social media, we could just make claims without them being tested. is there some sort of standardized scoring system that allows us to asses the quality of said person. look up “great” in a thesaurus and go with that. maybe there should be a competition or a dual. wait it should be an american gladiator style competition where we battle to the death to finally learn who’s mom is really the best!

9. “let’s argue”

let’s not argue, man. i was so fed up with internet arguments, i started a website to say whatever i wanted. the weird thing is that some people like to argue. i hate when i do fall into internet arguments because i always regret it in the end. i hate when i get riled up about stuff i don’t really care about. the basketball season will be here soon, don’t get dragged into facebook debates.

10. facebook.

throw the whole shit away.