journal entry #12 the dropout that flopped.

when i was in elementary school and we did this thing, chapel, every friday. the whole school would gather and we’d basically have an assembly with a little God involved. one friday chris tucker showed up with cameras. he told us he was filming a movie about him becoming president. he gave us a speech about chasing our dreams and the importance of hard work. about 10 years i was sitting in the jerk chicken spot in washington dc with my father. i was explaining to him that i was no longer attending howard university. i said, God was leading me somewhere else and howard is no longer the place for me. he didn’t like it but he understood. one of my best friends just signed to the hottest rap label around and. it was one of those events that will always stay with me. i joined him on tour after i finished summer school. 

my remaining time in dc felt like the end of a chapter. i hung out with my friends as much as i could. every time i was invited to a party, i went. it was crazy because my summer school grades were up. i was talking to women i was too afraid to talk to before. i wasn’t the only one leaving. chase b was a year older than me and decided to bounce too. he was going to work with music and so was i. i didn’t say much to him about it. i just figured i’d see him around. in august i left dc and haven’t been back since.

tour life is crazy but i loved the grind. i was built for it. we were in new york for a press run and we were staying at this cool brooklyn apartment. when you’re traveling with a bunch of dudes, the sleeping situation is always murky. this time i was the odd man out. i wasn’t t trying to share a bed with another man, not because of homophobia but out of pride. i wasn’t doing the floor either. instead, i lined three wooden chairs and laid across them wearing a hoodie. small sacrifices are nothing when you’re chasing your dreams. the problem was that i was unsure of what my dreams were.

i was on the road working the merch table. every night i’d be sitting in front of the venue. there were nights that i didn’t get to see the show. you better have a function if you’re in or around the music industry. i was just a guy that sold t-shirts but that wasn’t why i dropped out of school. i wanted something bigger than that. i didn’t wanna rap but i thought of myself as an artist. all i had was a love for film and a desire to create them. the tour was ending soon and i had to figure out what was next for me. 

that winter marked the end of the tour. i visited nearly every state in the continental us. my instagram was starting to do numbers but that was it. only had memories left. i was back in chicago and the furthest away from my dreams. things were cool but i didn’t feel like i had a function. when you’re on a team, good ideas belong to everybody. all i had was ideas no way to execute. i no longer had a function. the grind was thing that helped me feel a part of the industry. i enjoyed the late studio sessions with hella blunt smoke. i liked the rearranging tracks and lyrics to obtain the best product. the problem was that i didn’t work for the label. it became clear to me that i was just one of the homies at the studio.

i decided to visit one of my homies from howard, syd, in the west loop. she was going to columbia for film editing and was about to graduate soon. columbia sounded like the move. i   wanted to learn how to execute. i applied to columbia college and received a letter of acceptance shortly after. i was back in school. around this time my friends from howard were graduating. the same people i started this journey with had finished. i left howard to get ahead but i felt so far behind. 

my first year at columbia was tight. i was staying in the west loop at the same building i once visited syd. i was learning about cinema all day and i loved it. i directed and wrote my first short film that year. networking is a necessary evil in the film and music industry. it was hard for me to network at columbia because i was going to school with white kids younger than me. we didn’t have much in common and i didn’t have much patience. it was great to have a function again.

the next year didn’t go as smoothly. i couldn’t afford my west loop apartment of the spring semester. after a cash strapped fall semester, i was done again. around finals time my dog gave me a call. he told me he wanted me to go to cali because it was album time. one door closes and another door opens. i had another chance in the music industry. the plan was to parlay whatever musical industry connections and money i could make into a way into the film industry.

i served different functions during that time. some days i was an a&r, some days i was a collaborator, and other days i was an assistant. small sacrifices for the pursuit of my dreams. i even dj’d a show in los angeles, one in new york, and one in south africa. i’ll always appreciate the opportunity because of the experience i had gained. i was in the music industry when i was out there. from long studio sessions with different artists to meetings at record labels: this time it was different. well thats what i thought. eventually i ended up back in chicago, again. 

i was so fucking disappointed. i put in a lot of sweat equity just to end up back in chicago without any money to show for it. my dreams were further away than ever. i was older and fell even more behind. those years of school don’t pay for themselves. i flopped. my mind was beginning to play tricks on me. i was filling with regret. why didn’t i just stay? i would’ve graduated and probably found a steady job. it didn’t help that chase was killing shit as a dj. i was jealous because he found his function. 

i couldn’t get a job. every interview ended with a handshake and a rejection email. dark times. the girl i was dating didn’t want to date me anymore which confirmed that i was as far behind as i thought. i wrote a feature length script during that time not because i loved to write but because i needed to. my mind would play my favorite moments from howard on loop. i replayed my time in la picking out each regret one at a time. i attach so much of my worth to my function. i wanted my function to be an extension of myself like chase. all this time spent sacrificing, i felt like i sacrificed parts of myself just to end up in the same place i started in.

one day i decided to get back in columbia. i only had a year left and my options were running low. it felt good to study film again. the students were younger and i was older but it was ok. i stayed to myself and worked my ass off. i took a class about the urban space. it was a writing class where we studied the psychology of city through media. i was still in columbia for film but this was my favorite. towards the end of the semester my professor told me something i’d never heard. he said my writing was beautiful. some of the students agreed and i hadn’t blushed that hard since high school. 

just like that, i had found my function. every week i wrote a different story for that class and each one felt personal like it wasn’t for class. i wanted to leave a piece of myself in everything i wrote. it should feel like a living thing. i’d fallen in love with film now i was in love with narrative. i write from an emotional place but my years of school taught me structure. i never read my own writing or read the feedback so i had no idea if it was good or not. it felt good to finally do something right.

i unofficially graduated in december and will be walking in may. the plan is to write and direct my own stuff this year. i’m going to keep the site poppin’ because why not? i no longer view myself as a flop simply because i didn’t fold. some days i feel like my life would be easier if i stayed at howard but i don’t think i would’ve found my function. i’m still not where i want to be or anywhere close. my dreams don’t seem as far as they used to be so i’ll keep on chasing them.

don't touch vince.

this story is fiction.

Its a beautiful autumn day for most but today is the first football practice of homecoming week. The first leg of practice just ended and it was time for a break. Dustin the quarterback, is 17 and statuesque, walks along the sideline of the football field with his helmet in hand. He kneels down and rubs his fingers between the blades of grass. Vince, the same height as Dustin but twice the sides, drops his helmet then sneaks behind Dustin and picks Dustin up using his armpits. Dustin, furious, demands to be put down. Vince obliges and drops him. Dustin hops up but realizes it was merely Vince. Dustin gives him a friendly blow to the shoulder then they do their special handshake. Today Vince has labored breathing. Dustin grows concerned but Vince reminds Dustin that its homecoming week. Dustin locates the head coach from across the field. Dustin jogs over to Coach Bernie Johnson. Coach Bernie wears a dingy cap with an old windbreaker. A whistle hangs from his neck. Dustin asks the coach to take it easy on Vince, his friend and starting Left Tackle on the offensive line. Coach dismisses Dustin. It was his team, not Dustin’s. 

Now in the huddle, Dustin looks at each person as he recites the play. Vince is a little shaken. Dustin asks if he’s alright and Vince just says he’s tired. They break the huddle and line up at the line of scrimmage. The center hikes the ball and Dustin drops back. Dustin’s eyes are down the field looking for a receiver. He receives a shove from his blindside. A defensive end easily blew past Vince. Coach Bernie grabs Vince by the face-mask and yells at him about his missed blocking assignment. Dustin complains about Coach touching Vince. The coach says run the play again and again until he says stop. They run the play repeatedly and Vince looks worse and worse. The offense breaks the huddle again and line up on the line of scrimmage. Vince sways in his stance then falls backwards and passes out. Dustin walks over and kneels down. Vince isn’t responding to Dustin who keeps saying his name. Players begin to crowd around an unresponsive Vince. Everyone takes their helmets off and take a knee.

Dustin’s sadness has morphed into anger. The training staff asks the players to give Vince space. Dustin’s eyes locate Coach Bernie, whom stands about 20 yards away. Coach is talking to a coordinator while Vince is on the ground fighting for his life. Dustin begins to walk towards him. His walk turns into a jog then a sprint. He lowers his shoulder and knocks Coach Bernie on the ground. Dustin crouches over him with his helmet in hand. He strikes Coach Bernie with his helmet, breaking his nose. Players rush over to constrain him. He fights them off as they grab his jersey, his pads, and anything else they can get a hold of. After Dustin is escorted into the locker room, Vince is taken off the field on a stretcher by paramedics. The ambulance pulls away as the players watch.

the don.

The Trayvon Martin docu-series, Rest In Power, recently premiered on the Paramount Network and BET. Jay Z and The Weinstein Company won the screen rights to Suspicion Nation: The Inside Story of the Trayvon Martin Injustice and Why We Continue to Repeat It by Lisa Bloom and Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin by Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin. Its the second such project that Jay Z has released recently. He made a similar project about Kalief Browder that premiered on the Paramount Network, formally known as Spike TV. At 48, Jay Z has found himself in the world of social activism. He’s spoken out using film projects and, more importantly, his own words in well thought out New York Times pieces and in interviews. For some Jay Z fans this new turn was unexpected. Jay Z has spoken and rapped about poverty and coming from the Marcy housing projects, but activism is a new cause. 

Before he was performing at inaugural after parties and campaign rallies, he was a hustler. Jay Z has opened up before about his life as a crack dealer before rap. He was doing well back then but he wasn’t rich. In Vanity Fair back in 2013 Jay Z said "To be in a drug deal, you need to know what you can spend, what you need to re-up. Or if you want to start some sort of barbershop or car wash — those were the businesses back then. Things you can get in easily to get out of [that] life. At some point, you have to have an exit strategy, because your window is very small; you're going to get locked up or you're going to die.” A friend of his, Jaz O, signed a deal with for around $270,000 in the late 80s. Jay Z had found his exit strategy.

Jay Z was featured on Jaz O’s first single, H.P Gets Busy. Jay Z and Jaz O collaborated again in 1989 but Jay Z’s rap career still didn’t take off. He was still on the block earning more than he was rapping. Rhymin’ took a backseat to pitchin’ and righfully so. Dame Dash, cousin Stacey Dash, was a hustler just like Jay Z. Through family connections, Dame learned about the music industry and took that knowledge back to the hood. Jay Z and Dame hunted for record deals similar to Jaz O’s but never found the opportunity so they created it. Dame and Jay Z had money but in order to run a label, they needed more. It all costs: studio time, cassettes, posters, merchandise, radio play. On top of that they need to afford the lifestyle. Dame introduced Kareem “Biggs” Burke, an investor, to Jay Z. Dame had the knowledge, Jay had the talent, and Biggs had the capital. It was perfect. Dame. Biggs and Jay Z would eventually cut Def Jam in for 50% empowering Jay Z to become a superstar.

I spent hours watching Jay Z interviews but I still don’t think I know Jay Z but he reminded me of someone. He reminded me of Michael Corleone. Michael Corleone is the youngest son of Don Corleone in the classic, Godfather. I watched a Don Corleone inspired Jay Z in a promo for the Best of Both Worlds album. They recreated the scene from the beginning of Godfather. His daughter’s wedding reception is outside but the Don is meeting with friends. On the day of his daughter’s wedding the Don morphs into a genie, granting wishes to those who need him while neglecting the ceremony filled with his family. Business calls and the Don always answers. The Godfather’s influence is all over Jay Z’s music videos and lyrics but maybe it creeped into his life.

Michael is smarter than the Don and in some ways more aware of “d’evils’. Michael grows cold and distant from his family in The Godfather 2. Fredo, Kay, Anthony didn’t recognize Michael as he was swallowed by the burden of being the Don. On his latest album 4:44 he rapped about a similar idea. “I'll watch Godfather, I miss that whole shit. My consciousness was Michael's common sense.I missed the karma, that came as a consequence.” I heard the line when the album released but I never really explored what it meant. 

In the peak of his career Jay Z and Michael Corleone were one. He and Michael could never allow anyone to make them look weak.  Jay Z is known for his cool demeanor but I’ve come to learn he also had a bit of a temper. In interviews, he’d shorten answers and become unbearably sarcastic if he felt an interviewer try to press him or embarrass him in any way. He bragged about his boxing skills and if you’ve seen the movie Backstage, you would have seen him bully less notable guys on the tour with those skills. You also might see in the film, Hov use his long reach in a way that should make you uncomfortable. 

In 1999, Hov turned himself in to authorities for stabbing Lance “Un” Rivera at the Kit Kat nightclub in Manhattan. Jay Z wrote about the incident in his book, Decoded. “(Rivera) got real loud with me right there in the middle of the club.” It wasn’t over. “It was strange. We separated and I went over to the bar . . . I was . . . in a state of shock . . . I headed back over to him, but this time I was blacking out with anger.” The New York Daily Post reported on the incident around the time that it happened saying,“Jay-Z walked up to Rivera and said, ‘Lance, you broke my heart,'” one witness told The Post.“Rivera said, ‘What?’” This reads just like the scene in Godfather 2 when Michael kisses Fredo on the cheek after Fredo betrayed him. What could have made Jay Z so mad that he would stab a man in the middle of a club? Some speculate that it was over Charli Baltimore but Jay claims it was about Un bootlegging Life and Times…Vol. 3. Un’s biggest mistake was embarrassing Jay Z in public. 

A couple years later Jay Z was embroiled in one of the biggest beefs in hip-hop history. After dissing Nas with a light jab while performing The Takeover at Summer Jam, Nas dropped a freestyle entitled Stillmatic. The freestyle was cool but there was a line about the Un Rivera case. Jay Z loaded up and replied with an extended version of The Takeover on his Blueprint album. Nas dropped Ether on Stillmatic. Ether is still the standard to which all diss songs are measured. On an Episode of Drink Champs, NORE and DJ EFN hosted Kareem “Biggs” Burke. On this episode a Roc-A-Fella associate, Fat Face Gary, discussed Jay Z feeling like wanting to kill Nas after he heard Ether. According to Fat Face Gary, the lines about Jay Z’s lips pissed him off more than anything. Hov tried to respond with another freestyle, Supa Ugly, but it didn’t measure up to Ether. Instead of measuring skill Jay Z rapped about sleeping with the mother of Nas’s child and leaving condoms in the baby-seat. Nas had gotten under Jay’s skin. Jay Z apologized for going to far but wasn’t ready to end the beef. He wanted to set up a battle between Nas and himself where the winner received a million dollars. If that was too much, Jay Z wanted to box a few rounds but there was no need. Ether ended it. 

After the beef Jay Z’s rap career continued to grow until his “retirement” album, The Black Album. During the documentary Fade to Black, Jay Z debating on these two bars on his album. He talks about how drug use in the hood used to be worse than it is now. He said “it takes people speaking out.” A guy in the studio, seemingly his A&R, responds with,”But you’re not that type of rapper.” Jay concedes but he’s torn. He wants to speak about things that really matter but also feels like its not his place. At this point in his life he wasn’t prepared to take on the target that comes with speaking out. This is also the point of his career where he felt like he’s said all he can say as the drug dealer turned mogul.

In the mid 00’s the unthinkable happened, the rest of Roc-A-Fella was sold to Island Def Jam. Jay Z would be transitioning into his new position as president of Def Jam. There aren’t any consistent accounts of what happened so I’m going recklessly speculate. My theory is Dame Dash was starting to move around like Sonny Corleone. He was too loud for the way Biggs and Jay Z wanted to do business. Lyor Cohen and Jay talk about how Dame is going to be the reason it all ends. Jay Z gets offered the president position at Def Jam. Lyor probably explained that Jay Z has control of budgets, the roster, and everything like he has a Roc-A-Fella. Jay decides that he wants his publishing back and he wants Biggs taken care of. Lyor says fine. Jay tells all those close to him that soon it will be time to pick a side. Jay takes Freeway, Chris & Neef, Kanye, Beanie Siegel, and Peedi Crack. He calls Dame for a meeting. He tells Dame that he’s out and so is Biggs. They’re selling their shares to Def Jam leaving Dame in the minority. Jay lowballs Dame because if he doesn’t take the deal, Lyor will force him out for way less so he can either leave on his own and take this piece of change or be forced out. Dame took the deal and never spoke to Jay again.

Record sales within rap declined throughout the second half of the first decade of the new millennium. Jay Z is a hustler, he’s not putting records out that won’t sell. On Kingdom Come Hov showed us he can rap but the hits weren’t the same. Fans had found new blood and Hov was turning into the guy that was. For Blueprint 3, he promoted his album beautifully performing Empire State of Mind at Yankee Stadium. He had features from the hottest young artists at the time; Drake, J. Cole, Rihanna, Kid Cudi. It sold well but it still wasn’t the Jay Z that we remembered wearing the durag and crazy diamond earrings. His fans were still buying his records but most of us was waiting for the next act. There was a new wave of music happening and Jay Z didn’t want to be a part of it. The man even tried to kill autotune. For a while he did. 

Magna Carta Holy Grail had commercials sponsored by Samsung that aired during commercials. Jay Z still had the machine behind him. He reached his numbers easily. He reached them so easily that Magna Carta Holy Grail that he went platinum on the day the physical album was released despite it being one of his worst offerings to date. After the release of his album, Jay Z was met with strong criticisms from the civil rights legend Harry Belafonte. He was asked if he was happy with the images of minorities in Hollywood during an interview and this is how he answered. ”Not at all. They have not told the history of our people, nothing of who we are. We are still looking. ... And I think one of the great abuses of this modern time is that we should have had such high-profile artists, powerful celebrities. But they have turned their back on social responsibility. That goes for Jay-Z and Beyonce, for example. Give me Bruce Springsteen, and now you're talking. I really think he is black.” Jay Z didn’t like that

“I’m offended by that because first of all, and this is going to sound arrogant, but my presence is charity. Just who I am. Just like Obama’s is. Obama provides hope. Whether he does anything, the hope that he provides for a nation, and outside of America is enough. Just being who he is. You’re the first black president. If he speaks on any issue or anything he should be left alone…I felt Belafonte he just went about it wrong. Like the way he did it in the media, and then he big’d up Bruce Springsteen or somebody. And it was like, “whoa,” you just sent the wrong message all the way around…Bruce Springsteen is a great guy. You’re this Civil Rights activist and you just big’d up the white guy against me in the white media. And I’m not saying that in a racial way. I’m just saying what it is. The fact of what it was. And that was just the wrong way to go about it.”

It sounds arrogant because it is, Hov. Jay Z was also confronted by Robert De Niro for ignoring his phone calls. Jay still had a lot of Michael Corleone still in him.

4:44 is the most vulnerable Jay Z has ever been on wax but seemed like the smart business move. Jay Z and Beyoncé were working on a joint album after her self titled album released. I know because I heard some of the production. Suddenly the album is nixed and Beyoncé drops Lemonade. If he didn’t put out a response his rap career would’ve taken a worse hit than it did from Either. He had to switch it up to save his career, his marriage, and more importantly to Jay Z, his money. This new Hov is something no one could’ve predicted from a creative and social standpoint but Jay Z the Hustler lives on. From selling a big chunk of Tidal to Sprint to selling projects to the Paramount Network, formerly known as Spike TV. 

Jay Z has spoken out more against mass incarceration, unlawful treatment of blacks by police officers and other causes in a way that has become meaningful to mainstream fans. He’s more expressive about social causes now more than ever but why the change of heart? Maybe his wife, Beyoncé, influenced him. She was also once very silent about black causes but now she has one of the strongest voices. Maybe this is just a con and Jay the Hustler is using his social activism as a new way to profit. I don’t think Jay Z would ever let us close enough for us to find out who he really is. He should remember he taught us well. He gave us the damn Blueprint. “And you can't sell me bullshit, we know the prices” Word Hov, we know the prices. 

journal entry #11: ralph tresvant didn't say it best.

i fancy myself a writer but i’m an awful communicator. sometimes i get so overwhelmed by my thoughts that i shut down. i often think about the times that i held back my words out of fear. i was afraid that they would reject my feelings or my words were simply inadequate. i think that may be my problem. i’m hella afraid to disappoint the people i love and truly care about. my biggest fear is failure. my fear of commitment is a distant second as far as my phobias are concerned. maybe i’m just too sensitive.

ever since i was a shorty, i’ve been pretty sensitive. when you’re young, sensitivity shows itself in different ways. i was a crybaby. in k-4 rueben told tamara that i liked her. i remember crying and saying “as a friend. i like her as a friend,” then burying my face in the nap position. anger is another way sensitivity shows itself, especially in a young man. i cried every time i lost anything competitive. i was a very competitive kid that didn’t take losing well. one day i threw a temper tantrum and my mom came in my room and just looked at me. why was i so expressive? why did i care so much about shit that truly didn’t matter?

it took a while for me to change my was. in 4th grade, i was getting made fun of and i snapped. i pushed my desk into another kid’s desk as hard as i could. ms. bell, my teacher at the time, called me to her desk and told me that i couldn’t be sensitive all the time. she said i can’t always react that way when someone says something that i don’t like. her advice took a while to stick. i cut my hand by squeezing a wine glass and breaking off the base of the glass cutting the side of my hand. it was dumb. 

over time i became less angry and less expressive. i’ve always had opinions but i rarely expressed my own feelings. i tried to numb that part of myself. when i was about 13, my friend cierra lost her mother. i’d known cierra damn near my entire life and when her mother passed, i couldn’t handle it. it hurt in a way that was surprising because we weren’t family. cierra and i weren’t best friends but i felt her lost. she confronted me about it and i didn’t have much of a response. something similar happened when i was 14. my friend austin, lost his sister on christmas eve. i’ll never forget christmas was on a sunday. austin and his sister asia grew up in the same church as me but i’d known them so long that it was deeper than that. i remember going into church on christmas morning, feeling a heaviness that 14-year olds rarely feel. my brother went to her funeral but i couldn’t.

by the time i reached college, life was so good that there weren’t deep seated emotions to express. life was moving so fast my first two years at howard. i wasn’t doing well in my classes. it wasn’t about the material. it was about my overall lack of effort. my major was economics but i had little to no desire to be an economist. i didn’t want to “work”. i wanted to create. my final semester at howard was a depressing one. i lived in hyattville, about a 15 minute shuttle ride from campus. it was hard to talk to my family because they always wanted to know how i was doing. i couldn’t tell them that i was failing classes. i remember ignoring phone calls because i was wasting my parent’s money and my grandmother’s prayers. after years of bottling my emotions, i remember crying in my shower. i was butt naked, sobbing. sometimes i laugh about that moment because of the song that evoked the tears. i was listening to “the ride” by drake and the weeknd. the day you cry in the shower listening to drake is the day that things have gone too far. i left howard before my senior year.

my poor communication ruined some relationships. i’ve struggled to tell women that i loved them. its weird because once they’re gone i have no problem admitting it. these days i’m working on my communication. i don’t bottle my feelings up anymore, i just write. i’m a sensitive guy and that’s ok. i just wish that ralph tresvant never made that song.

XVI

Right now, we are on the eve of LeBron James’s 16th season in the NBA. Wow, 16. This is the first season the king will be donning purple and gold. History has taught us that whenever the Los Angeles Lakers land one of the best players in the league, championships are soon to follow. Off the court he’s aggressively expanding his brand into the film industry. SpringHill Entertainment, partnered with Warner Bros., has a dozen or so projects in at least the pre-production phase. Space Jam 2 is slated for production in 2019 and has James attached to star, Terrance Nance to direct, and Ryan Coogler to produce. It might be the biggest and blackest sports movie of all time, stay tuned. More importantly, off the court he’s proven that his GOAT status transcends the game of basketball. He opened his I Promise School in Akron, Ohio for at risk children. LeBron’s transition from a prodigy to GOAT was dramatic beyond the theater of sports and its going to be impossible to explain to our children how complicated his story truly is. When you’re talking about Michael Jordan, its a very simple story, he went to 6 NBA Finals and won them all with at least a game to spare with five MVPs, Defensive Player of the year and a gold medal amongst numerous awards. LeBron? LeBron is the greatest of all time because after 16 uninterrupted years he’s mastered the art of basketball, he's turned himself into a one-man franchise worth a billion dollars, and that franchise has now been to the NBA Finals for eight straight seasons. The world watched a black boy grow into a black man. He didn't win every NBA Finals he took his team to but he married the mother of his children, put his friends on, and never forgot where he came from.

In 2003, when LeBron entered the league, I was still begging my mother to buy XL shirts for my s’medium frame. Allen Iverson’s reign was slowly coming to an end in the east. Jordan had retired for the third time. Kobe and Shaq missed the NBA Finals for the first time since 2000. The Spurs were the reigning champs then and enjoyed a drama-free summer, unlike their most recent summer of Kawhi. The NBA was in limbo after Jordan was gone for good. The Lakers were too good and the Spurs were just too boring to excite casual basketball fans. The league was blessed with the perfect young star for the time. He wore du-rags and was tattooed as a teenager and, if that sort of thing frightens you, he was by all accounts a good kid who stayed out of trouble. He’d sign a 90 million dollar shoe deal with Nike before James was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2003. Shortly after being drafted, James became a father. In his first public appearance after LeBron’s ,now wife then, girlfriend Savannah Brinson gave birth to their son LeBron Jr. At the time he told the Akron Beacon Journal about wanting to be the father he always wanted."That's my main goal, to try and be a better father than the one I had. I didn't know him. I didn't know the situation he was in. But I'm going to do my job the best way I can.” LeBron began the season with a 25 point, nine assist, six rebound performance that resulted in a lost. At 18 he was tasked with carrying a franchise and in the minds of sports fans in Cleveland, he’d been deemed the deliverer of rings.

At Age 22, James lead the Cavaliers to the NBA Finals in 2007 where they were swept by the Spurs. LeBron was exposed for  not having an outside shot to lean on against a defense anchored by Tim Duncan and coached by Greg Popovich. ESPN tapped him to co-host the Espy’s with Jimmy Kimmel following the loss. In 2009 he was named league MVP and his team earned a number one seed in the Eastern Conference Playoffs. The boy was growing into a young man. He was looked at as one of the best players by observers of the league and expectations began to swell. He followed that MVP season with another in 2010. The “Chosen 1” tattoo on his back was not the product of a young man feeling the weight of generational poverty and the gift & curse of possessing shoulders broad enough to carry such a load. To outsiders it was a claim to greatness that had yet to be earned. How can he call himself a king without jewelry? Young LeBron rocked platinum chains and diamond earrings, maybe even a Jacob watch, but he was supposed to win rings. Kobe was out west working on rings four and five. LeBron was bounced out the playoffs before reaching the finals in those MVP seasons.

The one thing separating him from the greats was a series win against the best team from the other conference. Lesser players in terms of talent have led teams to championships. A player this good wasn’t allowed to lose. At Age 25, he finally moved away from home. Before he left, he and Savannah added another member to the James Gang. Bryce, LeBron and Savannah’s youngest son, was born in 2007.  In the summer of 2010, LeBron decided to sign with the Miami Heat. He would join Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. He hosted an hour long special to announce his decision. The millions of dollars in donations as a result of the television special, was a footnote. Jerseys were burned and letters with racial undertones were written. Scott Raab wrote a book entitled The Whore of Akron: One Search for LeBron James’s Soul, which I’m sure is something he’d want to live down but a book with that title is a can of worms you can’t un-open. In October of that year Nike released a commercial highlighting all phases of James’s career and different versions of himself. Looking back on it, the commercial was kind of dope but it was a sign. It was a sign that he was listening. He heard the dark rumors being spread about he and his family. Times were different then and people believed athletes were immune to nasty comments, especially a guy as big as LeBron and with bank accounts as big as his.

After losing the 2011 NBA Finals to the Dallas Mavericks and a MVP to Derrick Rose, those that didn’t believe he was this generation’s Michael Jordan had all the proof they needed. LeBron finally had help yet he was the one that blew it in the Finals. He only scored 8 points in Game 4. At the press conference he told his haters that they had to go back to their miserable lives but he was the one that was miserable. An overlooked factor in LeBron’s 2011 season was his life off the court. When he moved away from home that season, he moved alone. In August 2010, Savannah was the subject of a feature story by Harpers Bazaar. She talked about marriage and not rushing LeBron into marrying her, but the article also mentioned that she would splitting time between Miami and Cleveland instead of living in Miami full-time. Just because she wasn’t going to rush him into marriage doesn’t mean that there was a lesson that needed to be learned. A wife is different from a girlfriend. She was the mother of LeBron’s children but not his wife. In the midst of his rockiest season in Miami, his best friend was in Cleveland. Sure holidays were probably spent together but not everyday. When the most hyped NBA team ever starts 8-7 after you announced that you expect to win “not 1, not 2, not 3,” everyone is looking at you. At 26 there isn’t anyone better to come to than the woman that’s been holding you down since 16 (real ones know).

During the 2012 season, LeBron proposed to Savannah. Marriage isn’t the only way to show a person that you’re fully committed to them but if the person you love most wants to marry you and they’ve shown you over and over the many ways that they’re committed, it seems like a no-brainer. He finished that season as MVP, but there was more to gain. On the brink of elimination in Boston, LeBron had to show the world why he still deserved to be the heir apparent. In Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals he dropped 46 points and 15 rebounds to save the Heat’s season. They survived and advanced to the NBA Finals where the Heat made light work of the Oklahoma City Thunder. It only took five games for LeBron to win his first championship and Finals MVP. He was gracious and even self deprecating. He had the reputation of a front-runner but not this time. It was different. He wasn’t the young man in Cleveland anymore. He had two growing sons and a fiancé. In the 2013 NBA Finals he had to again show his maturity on the court. The Miami Heat were taking on the San Antonio Spurs. LeBron had to face the team that swept him the first time he’d made it to the Finals. In Game 6 it looked like much hadn’t changed for LeBron. He only averaged 21 points in the series and he was off to a slow start. He was forced to shoot jumpers again and he knew it. On some plays he’d look for passing lanes that didn’t exist instead of shooting the open shot. The Heat were down 10 to start the 4th. To start the quarter, LeBron was locked in. The team was desperate for every basket and every stop. LeBron’s face wore the importance of this game. His eyes were wide and his eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty. He was a victim of sweaty palms that almost cost them the game down the stretch. In the waning moments of regulation Ray Allen hit a historical, career saving shot, game tying shot. Overtime was a blur and so was Game 7. That Game 7 ended when LeBron hit a dagger with 30 seconds left to put the Heat up 5. He was again a champion. Later that summer, He and Savannah were married.

In 2014, the Miami Heat were chasing a Three Peat. They failed in a six game against, you guessed it, the Spurs. The season ended in five games with the Heat on the losing end. During Pat Riley’s offseason press conference he accidentally leaked news of Savannah being pregnant with her and LeBron’s first daughter, Zhuri. On top of that big life change, he decided to move back to Cleveland and play for the city that burned his jersey. He was back to play for the owner that wrote an open letter venting like a scorned lover. LeBron wrote a letter of his own, with help from former Sports Illustrated writer Lee Jenkins, promising a championship and promising to be an example of what’s possible for everyone in Akron. His first year back in a Cleveland uniform was weird. Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love weren't used to playing with a guy like LeBron and it showed on the court and in cryptic social media posts. He took a two-week sabbatical during the season, forced to rely on younger teammates, and played under a coach he didn’t believe was capable of winning a NBA championship. Statistically, it was one of his worse seasons in a long time. The Cavaliers lost in the NBA Finals in six games to the Golden State Warriors led by Stephen Curry. Kyrie and Kevin were both injured throughout the playoffs but LeBron had another loss on his Finals record. Midway through the 2016 season, the Cavaliers fired their head coach and replaced him with Tyron Lue. They needed the change badly before their playoff run. The Cavs ripped through the Eastern Conference setting them up for a rematch with the Golden State Warriors. The Cavs fell behind in the series, 3-1. This time was different because LeBron was calm unlike the Finals before. After a flare up with Draymond Green, resulting in a suspension for Green, LeBron didn’t have a response to the trash talk other than stating that he was a father. Over the next two games LeBron, along with Kyrie Irving, played out of his mind. The Cavs pushed the series to a Game 7, winner take all, in Oakland. Behind a triple double and a clutch block, LeBron leads the Cavs to a close Game 7 win. After crumbling to his knees and sobbing uncontrollably, LeBron rises and shouts “where’s my wife?” as he searches for her through the crowd.

This year is going to be different. On the floor, LeBron no longer has to prove himself. He’s now the old head on a young team. After Earl Smith Jr. forgot the score in Game 1 in the NBA Finals, negating LeBron’s 49 point effort in regulation, LeBron has seen it all on the basketball court. These days his actions off the court grab headlines. Last year he called the president a “bum” and this year he continued his insults of the president and received a response via Twitter. He has a show called The Shop on HBO where LeBron, other athletes, and entertainers to speak freely. LeBron has been speaking with the media for about half of his life and he’s trained himself well, but his professional approach doesn’t allow for much candor. He swears like a sailor with a glass of red wine in hand. Basketball fans worry that he’s become too busy off the court to still invest the proper sweat equity required to win a championship. There’s no way he can be a movie star, movie producer, and the best basketball player in the world. Rich Paul, his agent and friend, has been representing LeBron since he left CAA. LeBron was Paul’s first client, now he’s agent to players like Anthony Davis and Ben Simmons. Even when LeBron is too busy or just too old to recruit players to play with him, someone is always there with his best interests in mind. Maverick Carter is the man on the ground producing projects for SpringHill Entertainment. LeBron doesn’t have to sit on a set for hours or be stuck in boring corporate meetings. Maverick is and independent entity working alongside James. Randy Mims lands a job with whatever team James decides to play for. He’s a made man that turned his friends into made men. The question now is how far can he go? The man that only wanted to be the best basketball player ever has grow into more than an athlete. LeBron James is just getting started in his 16th season with his global takeover. Its hard to believe that he turns 34 in December, but like fine wine he gets better with time.